Four years- a memoir

The autumn of 2004, pants folded and the furious rain trying to snatch away the umbrellas. First rendezvous with the Electrical block of NIT Hamirpur (my college) & I grinned: Ah! this magnificent building is going to be my department for the next four years and somewhere I knew that I've made a wise decision.

Happiness, excitement, fear, anger, friendship, love, success . . . . . .endless memories hitched inside the heart.
These insured four years of life are about to end and soon the things are going to be different. I often wonder: why do things have an ending? Is it to make a new start? but the new start again heads towards new end. After all why do things come to an end?

My best lines

Here are my all time favorite lines from my personal diary:

1. Imagine! Just Imagine!.

2. No straight story was ever worth telling.

3. The knock of pure love has a different sound.

4. The heart accepts some reasons, and the journey never stops.

5. Dream! Your dreams may not be fulfilled but you won't have nightmares either.

6. In there lies questions, In there lies answers.

7. Knowledge is fearlessness.

8. Fiction sounds better than the real life.

9. Fake things are volatile.

10. Destiny has something in store for everyone.

11. The good thing about time is that it goes on.

12. Short-sightedness kills an individual.

13. Never complain because complaining is never a solution.

14. A man's mind is busy creating problems and he's busy solving them -confused and lost.

Friends

Togetherness
Destiny brought three of us together as roommates but choice made us best buddies. Two years of togetherness, arguments, laughs, care, annoyance, and the endless gyaan (advices). Our growth was entangled together and each one of us felt a sea change in our lives
After two years of togetherness we had to move separate ways and the single threes became three singles.


The biggest enemy
Distance is the biggest enemy of any relationship and ours was no exception. Each one of us got so busy managing life that we could hardly find time for ourselves.
Nearly two years passed and the feelings started piling up.


Best feelings in life are never said
We had a short reunion yesterday and it felt as if we are still the same; the same old friends.


Destiny is sweet, but unknown
Now Atal might be busy studying or surfing internet & I'm here penning down my feelings whereas J.P might be busy tracking the stock market. Don't know where the destiny will lead us. Each one of us is heading towards different direction yet the bonds never cease to break. Maybe because the strongest bonds in life are cherished inside heart, they are beyond the reasons of time and distance.

PS: 20th Feb is Atal's B'day. Happy Birthday Atal.

Happiness

"Whenever I look at you, you seem very silent & lost within yourself. You don't seem happy, something bothering you?. You can trust me as a friend."


I'm well acquainted with such questions but this time it was my teacher who rang the bell.
I plainly denied the charges & the conversation went on.



Now I wonder what happiness exactly is?.
To me happiness is more a matter within & not inside out.
If someone stays silent does it imply that he/she is not happy?.
Is it mandatory to reflect happiness?.

Success & the journey

Success is momentarily,
And the journey towards it is tiresome.

Toiling hard just for a moment,
Then why not enjoy the journey?

Because the journey well lived shall make one oblivious towards failure,
again a true success.

Where to go?

In the journey named life we often come across situation when we have to make a selection-selection out of two paths available for the unknown destiny. It's hard to choose because on one side there are expectations and duties on the other are things you like-things you love doing.

If you follow the first path, you come up to the expectations of the world and hence become a success in the eyes of people concerned with you. But if you hold the later one-you meet failures in the first path {which you've to trudge non-willingly}, hence life results into a chaos.

It's really hard to decide whether strike a balance between the two or keep following the path you love.

The Casanova

I don't know why i wrote these lines...............maybe this is my idea of Love.

Walking down the flower valley,
He entered the dense forest.

The forest glow with the light of his face and wind whispered a tone welcoming him.- the Casanova.
Time froze by letting the sun not to set and the moon not to rise.

As he kept walking the dense forest he heard a whisper: "Oh! Casanova you’ve finally arrived. Us the witches through life have been waiting for thee.Thou hold us to thy and make us humans.
And let the moment last forever by never leaving us."

The Casanova wasn’t fearful because he knew there is Love involved.
He held the witch in his arms and said: “Let me be free.”
And he was free..........

A vision

A loud cry and everyone in the bus was staring him grovel on the floor.
His mother held his stomach which was in intense pain. In his early twenties he caught up with some cancer which was curable but treatment was a costly affair for the poor. Now I guess how that widow would have managed her life with her only son who was an added burden on her. Mostly prayers are for the well-being of someone but I guess that the old lady would be asking god for peaceful death of her only son because life was more dreadful than death. All I could do at that time was to pray for the poor soul.

As the time moved on, this situation denied to leave my subconscious mind & I kept asking myself: “why don’t we have free medical facilities for all?” This question bears no answer but this has left me with another question: Why don’t I do something?
Right now it’s more than a half decade to this incidence but still it appears as if it happened yesterday.

Now I have a dream to open hospitals offering free care for the poor people & the dream is still a dream and all I’ve in this dream is a "WHAT", it still lacks "WHEN".

Maybe

How do you feel when the very first sip of tea tastes sour?
This is what happened with me. Before entering the engineering field I consulted all the profession maps & engineering appealed me best coz I thought I have a mind of an engineer & an eye for details?-{Ordered tea}. Getting through the cut-throat competition I managed to procure myself a seat in Electrical engineering-{got the order [tea]}. At the very initial days of my engineering I got disheartened with the rote learning methodology followed at my institute & thought this is not what I’m supposed to do. I was very repentant during my first semester-{Oops! The tea tasted sour. But there’s no other option than to drink it coz I’ve already paid the price (:}.

During my second semester I got introduced to the usefulness of computers & internet and it was love at first sight. Being an electrical engineer I’m supposed to rote about power generation & transmission but my mind is always busy thinking about computers & related world-{I had no option but to drink the tea so I thought about adding sugar into it}. Now the current situation is that I’m happy getting minimum possible grades required to sit in for a placement. I believe that life is all about following your passion coz its fun doing things you love. So I’m busy editing WebPages, learning about servers & can’t put aside my novels, magazines, newspaper & writing. They say: “you came empty handed & shall leave so.” But I think I’ll carry a novel and a pen with me even to the hell {Heaven wont accept me?. One question please: do they have internet facility over there? ?}. So now the tea is manageable coz I’ve flavored it my way.

When I leave my college I shall not have fat degrees in my folder but one thing I’m sure about is that by then I would have lived & enjoyed life worth living and that too my way. And moreover this is the only period of life when we are so full of energy & thrill to experiment new things. Amongst load of classes {8:30 am- 5:30 pm}, assignments, projects & exams, It’s very difficult to find few moments of leisure. Last week we had a semester break & during this I experienced a very beautiful thing. Here I would like to share it with you. One day I thought about visiting the hilltop behind my hostel-to sit there and watch the sunset. And in those moments of complete me I realized many things. And the biggest realization was about how different I’ve grown as compared to my childhood. My entire childhood has been spent admiring the beauty of nature & the contemporary me don’t even know how to pluck the leaf which when pressed on your skin bears a very beautiful design. Here is my experience of my date with nature.

Pressed the beautiful leaf on my hand but there was no design,
Maybe those leaves don’t bear design anymore.

Sat to watch the sun setting but saw the moon rising,
Maybe the sun has changed its direction.

Was longing to hear the birds chirping but there was extreme silence,
Maybe the birds don’t sing anymore.

Was longing to jump into the stream and feel the cold water caressing my body but there was no stream existing around,
Maybe those streams don’t flow anymore.

Dejected I returned to my room and sat staring the empty walls & the spider was busy weaving his web. Maybe there are birds singing somewhere, the springs still flow & leafs still bear beautiful designs.

Then I opened my window and glanced towards the sky, And the moon was busy defining the beautiful starry night. Maybe this all is just an illusion of mind, or I’ve forgotten the obvious.

Deep Contemplation

It was after a long time that I interacted with myself. Rather it was a deep contemplation. Thanks to Velu for such a wonderful tag.

8 Facts About me, that could probably help unearth a few facets of the person that I am.

1>My credo of life:
Simplicity & straightforwardness. The real I and what I speak/write are synonymous.

2>I love:
Good food, Soft music, good jokes, sleeping {which is rare now a days}, net surfing {I’m crazy about websites & their designs}.

3>I hate:
Liars, grouchy people, politicians & people who don’t have consideration factor.

4>Things which attract me to anyone:
Simplicity, commonsense & sense of humor.

5>How I deal relationships:
A person is not judged by kind of company he/she keeps, but by the kind of company he/she avoids. So I can’t please everyone.
To the persons close to me I’m sincere to max but if things really become out of control. I opt to move out coz there’s no use in dragging a relation. Dragging only makes any relation bitter.
But let me tell you that here I’m talking about friendship. I’ve never been into love kind of relation. :)

6>One secret about me:
I keep fantasizing about my miss right. And I don’t expect her to the princess from those fairy tales. All I need is a very simple person who loves me unconditionally. But it’s so strange to know that people just pretend to be modern by putting masks & hence hiding their real self which makes it very difficult for me to find my miss right. :)

7>Best thing I know about myself:
I know my mind so I seldom face problems, Coz they never seem so.
I’m rarely stressed coz you get stressed when you don’t satisfy your mind by giving the right explanation about the miss-happening or the thing causing stress.
I never compare myself to anyone coz I want to be me not anyone else.

8>Dream for life:
I always keep my parents in mind coz I want to live for them & provide them
each and every happiness they desire.
Regarding my personal life: I’ll always adhere to simplicity. Just want to lead a very normal life full of values, emotions & integrity.

It's my first experiance with TAGs so I've answered all the TAGs from Velu's blog. :)

1.Are you happy / satisfied with your blog, with its content and look?
A: Yes!!! More than anything else. The only problem is that the story counter is only showing one where as I’ve labeled two stories. :)

2.Does your family know about your blog?
A: No, actually most of the time I’m in the hostel so never got a chance to share such thing with my parents.

3.Do you feel embarrassed to let your friends know about your blog or you just consider it as a private thing?
A: Never, My blogging life and normal life are synonymous.

4.Did blogs cause positive changes in your thoughts?
A: Yes, I got to know so many great personalities over here.

5.Do you only open the blogs of those who comment on your blog or you love to go and discover more by yourself?
A: I’m regular on the blogs of friends who comment on my blog, but I do keep visiting new blogs also.

6.What does visitors counter mean to you? Do you care about putting it in your blog?
A: Creating a master piece in your backyard has no value. You’ve to bring it out into the world. So I think counter helps a person to keep track of people visiting his/her blog. But still I’ve not put counter on my blog coz I feel satisfied with comments itself.

7.Did you try to imagine your fellow bloggers and give them real pictures?
A: While reading any post I always try to imagine the great person behind its creation. The pic in my profile is mine.

8.Admit. Do you think there is a real benefit for blogging?
A: Manifold!!!! And the blogger community is the largest online community in contemporary world.
As far as I’m concerned, blogging friends are as good as live friends so blogging is a part of life for me.

9.Do you think that bloggers society is isolated from real world or interacts with events?
A: No, rather I think with the freedom to project their views, bloggers play a major role in the society. Say, the Indian govt. was planning to ban blogging sites in India coz of some Ill reasons. This defines the power of blogging.

10. Does criticism annoy you or do you feel it’s a normal thing?
A: Positive criticism is always welcome.

11. Do you fear some political blogs and avoid them?
A: I’m not that much interested in politics but I don’t avoid any political blog either.

12. Did you get shocked by the arrest of some bloggers?
A: No, every thing has got certain rules & boundaries those who tend to cross the limits are definitely liable for punishment. But still I’ve not come across any such situation.

13. Did you think about what will happen to your blog after you die?
A: It depends upon Google, if they’ll not delete my account it’ll be always there, though there’ll only be accidental visitors. But one thing I’m sure is that I’ll carry memoirs of good friends I’m making/ shall make over here. And hope that I’m also able to carve out such space in someone’s [Any one who’s reading my blog] heart.

14. What do you like to hear? What’s the song you might like to put a link to in your blog?
A: I’m fond of music. Generally I hear old Hindi songs but anything which appeals my ears is good.
I love the song: Main Zindagi Ka Saath Nibhata Chala Gaya, from the movie Hum Dono. It’s very inspiring song & if you wish you may download it from Here.

I would love to TAG, Preetha {Coz she's not yet introduced to this concept} & you,who had patience to read till this point. :)

Undefined Emotions

They are an group of children from the nearby slum area.
When the clock strikes 5:30 pm they can be seen striding past my hostel, towards the academic block of my college.

They have their own world which is difficult to express in their terms but in my terms it is: under-privileged, lacking sanitation & hygiene. In a broader sense: for them suffering and compromise has no meaning, its life itself.

Few days back I was in hurry towards my hostel. Overtaking one such group I heard a voice from behind: “BHAIYA! AAP HUMEIN AB KYUN NAHIN PADHATE?” {Why have you left teaching us?-(Sense of the line, not the exact meaning)}. The voice had such an impact on me that I lost control of my thoughts and turned back. They all were gazing at me. Literally speaking, for a moment my mind was fixed on the question and I had the feeling of weightlessness {like the one we feel inside a lift}. I turned each and every grey cell of my mind but couldn’t get any satisfactory answer so I replied: “AB KOI AUR BHAIYA PADHATE HONGE.” {Now some other person might be teaching you}. From their expression it was clear that this was not the answer they expected. As I had some important work I moved forward.

This incidence brought back the memories of days when I was member of the Team Literacy {A group of 20-30 engineering students who teach poor children}. It was two years back & now I’ve even forgot the name of my students {I taught fourth class}. One name which I still remember is Puju.
Well Puju was a student from first standard but she never attended classes with her batch mates. She would either sit with her sister {who was in fourth standard} or she can be seen dozing somewhere. As soon as she was provided with any question, she would close her eyes and start dozing then and there. :). Only time span when she was active is that when chocolates are distributed to the students. - Very funny indeed. :)

Due to various reasons I wasn’t able to continue my service into this mission after my third semester. But whenever I happen to come across through any such group of children, there’s a completely different feeling inside me & me searching an appropriate name for it.…….

Kapoor Uncle

Have you ever met a stranger who becomes your best friend in no instance ?, I have met one.

This incidence dates back to the time when I was new to Delhi. And Shailesh was the stranger and my only friend. We were to share our room; or rather I was to share his room. Shailesh needed a good partner and I tried to be the one. The rooms in the building were filled with students like me and Shailesh, except one person-Kapoor Uncle.

Kapoor Uncle: age 60+, retired bank officer, benevolent, soft spoken and far sighted person. The best thing I liked about him was his discipline and simplicity. And the strongest thing about him was that he was a bachelor. He had no one in this world to care for but the only students who stayed in the same building. He was friend of every one so how could I not be the one. Be it 5:30 in the morning or evening Kapoor uncle was seen jogging in his shorts. His face contained the brightness of an enlightened man. In the very first introduction I realized the depth and variety of knowledge uncle carried. He frequently made every one realize their goal, and always talked practical.

Hardly five days passed and Kapoor uncle was heavily ill. We all took him to the AIIMS hospital and got him admitted. Only one person was allowed to stay with him so Shailesh opted to stay there. Kapoor uncle was back after 3 days. On the very evening of his returning he called us all into his room. We anticipated it as a thanks giving meeting, but upon reaching their- we all were shocked. He was about to distribute his life time earning amongst all of us (Could you imagine a stranger doing such thing and for no reason). We all sat around him and convinced him to distribute the money to the needy people. We all were self sufficient. That day we talked a lot to Kapoor uncle.
In a retrospect I don’t think I have ever met any dynamic person such as Kapoor uncle in my life till now. Within month or so I had to leave the building to my uncle’s house (my own uncle).

But to me Kapoor uncle always seems ………………

Emotional Musings

What if you have plan anticipated for a friend’s B’day and when you start revealing it with excitement the concerned person doesn’t have the apt time to hear you?

What if you put everything into a project and finally the persons above you plagiarize things?

These moments make me disappointed and press life down a bit. But these also make me go deep inside myself and interact with my soul.

It’s wisely said and well known that we must be optimistic about life, but the pessimistic side of my thoughts warn me that no one here has time to wait and think about others, Coz every person has some expectations out of life and plans to accomplish things and in order to fulfill these they can adopt devious means and paths. But I never did so nor shall I be able to do it, Maybe I m far behind the world or either people are moving in the wrong direction.